Marriage, the Institution of Holy Matrimony, is the butt of many jokes. I can remember a cousin teasing someone before their wedding with the words: "It’s not too late to back out now." Then, at the conclusion of the service, after the couple came back down the aisle, he said: "It’s too late now!" Since then I have probably used those lines myself, and perhaps all of us have laughed at such ribbing. But the reality of marriage is no joke, with about half of all marriages ending in divorce.

We read together, from the back of the bulletin, the 6^th Commandment and Luther’s explanation. You shall not commit adultery. What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other.

We see the results of sin affecting marriage immediately after the first sin in the Garden. In shame they try to cover their nakedness with leaves. Perfectly pure intimacy had been destroyed. When God questions them, Adam blames Eve, even though he was there during the temptation, even though he never said a word to stop her, even though he willingly took the fruit along with her. Not only does he blame Eve, he blames God for giving him the woman in the first place. Eve blames the serpent. Neither of them is willing to confess: "I was wrong. I am responsible."

Since then, all marriages have been troubled by the same sins: self-centeredness and blaming the other. The world around us is flooded with the message that marriage is something to be joked about, and that sexual relations outside of marriage are permitted and highly desired.

Recent studies have shown the negative effects of divorce. Philip Yancey reports: Divorce dramatically increases the likelihood of early death from strokes, hypertension, respiratory cancer, and intestinal cancer. Astonishingly, being divorced and a nonsmoker is only slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack or more a day and staying married. … Divorce also disrupts mental health, especially for men. The suicide rate for white males goes up by a factor of 4 with divorce, and they have 10 times the probability of needing psychiatric care. Divorce takes a devastating toll on children. Proportionately twice as many criminals come from single-parent homes. Indeed, family structure proves more effective than economic status in predicting a life in crime. Children from broken homes are more likely to do poorly in school, abuse drugs, and attempt suicide." {Yancey, Finding God in Unexpected Places, p.82-3, Random House, NY}

All of these problems would be reduced if we would follow the 6^th Commandment. It serves as a CURB to protect our physical and emotional life.

The Commandment also serves as a MIRROR to show us our sin. Dr. Luther says: inasmuch as there is such a shameless mess and cesspool of all sorts of immorality and indecency among us, this commandment is also directed against every form of unchastity, no matter what it is called. Not only is the outward act forbidden, but also every kind of cause, provocation, and means, so that your heart, your lips, and your entire body may be chaste and afford no occasion, aid, or encouragement to unchastity. It is not only physical sexual intercourse that is a sin outside of marriage, it is also what we say and think that breaks this commandment. As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount: Anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Mt.5:28) And I am sure Jesus does not exclude the possibility of women lusting after men.

Luther’s explanation in the Small Catechism says we should each lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and love and honor each other in our marriage. Anything that is less than this is a breaking of the commandment – any actions or words or emotions that do not live out love and honor to our spouse. The mirror of God’s law shows us that the question is not "IF we break the commandment" but "HOW OFTEN each day we break the commandment?"

I’d like to share a major portion of Pastor Graf’s sermon on this commandment. I think he covers so much and says it very well. First he talks about the seriousness of this command. …This commandment is just as sacred to God as any other no matter how many … keep on breaking it. Anyone who willfully breaks this commandment does it at the risk of losing his soul, for God Himself says: "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). … Let God be God in your life, and work out your marriage in obedience under Him. If you are followers of Him, then follow Him. Is there then no hope for the divorcer and the divorcee? No, there is no hope for them, unless they turn to God for forgiveness and repent of their sin. Repentance, of course, means more than saying, "I’m sorry." Just as a truly repentant thief will return the money he has stolen, so the person who has broken a marriage will go and bind it up again. He will go back to his wife, unless she is remarried or will no longer have him, making it impossible to return. Unless there be the desire to do God’s will in the matter, there is no repentance. Where there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness. {Graf, No Other Name, p.131-132}

Next Pastor Graf lists Biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage. But what of the innocent or the wronged party? In every divorce at least one party has broken the sixth commandment and has jeopardized his eternal salvation. In many cases both parties are guilty (I will be so bold as to say "most or maybe even all cases"). Yet Christ teaches that under certain conditions the party that has been wronged may separate and obtain a divorce and also remarry. First, in case one party is guilty of fornication, that is, lives sexually with another (other than spouse), then the innocent party may obtain a divorce because the marriage has already been broken (Matt.19:9). (I will also add that a divorce is not commanded, because the faithful one may well choose to forgive and restore the marriage bond.) Secondly, in case an unbeliever no longer desires to live with his spouse and makes this clear through word or action, then the innocent party may obtain a divorce. But this should be done only after every effort over a period of time has been put forth to get the guilty party to change his mind (1 Cor.7:13-15).

For us believers in Christ – who treasure His sacrifice for our forgiveness and new life – the 6^th Commandment also serves as a GUIDE to our thankful living. Pastor Graf lists 6 rules for Happier Married Life.

Lead a chaste and decent life before marriage. The Lord says: "Flee fornication." "Flee youthful lusts." "My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in." Associating with unbelievers and carousing as they do is not for those who want a happy marriage. (One study I have heard indicates that living together before marriage INCREASES the risk of divorce – doubles the risk, if I recall correctly.) Pastor Graf says: You cannot sow wild oats and reap wheat.

Go to church and Bible class regularly. Also in a Christian home there will be certain problems (isn’t that the truth!). There will at times be differences of opinion, a measure of selfishness, and a lack of love for the other. We, therefore, need the power to forgive one another, to live with one another’s weaknesses, and to live more totally for the other. This power can be found in regular Bible study and church attendance.

Pray and work for a happy marriage. Jesus Himself has promised: "Whatsoever you ask the Father in My name, He will give it to you" (John 16:23). This is true also in the home. "Pray and stay together" is an old motto and still true. Prayer changes things – also in the Christian home. Prayer must be linked to work. Praying without working for a happy marriage is hypocrisy. Some farm homes used to have a painting of the farmer with his hoe and the wife standing by in prayer. It had the title "Pray and work." Whether it be on the farm or in the city, "pray and work" is still a proper motto not just for success in business but also for happiness in marriage." (This makes me think about our problems in communicating and understanding one another – male and female. The popular book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus talks about the differences in our natures, our ways of communicating and understanding, and the problems this brings. It takes WORK to learn how to understand each other – what we mean by what we say, or don’t say, and what we do or don’t do. If you are having problems in this area, be wise enough to seek help. I’m not trained as a professional marriage counselor, but I will be happy to advise you as your pastor, and try to point you in the right direction to books or other professionals who are trained to help people in this need. One such book is LifeLines of Love by Pastor Peter Kurowski. I have copies available if you are interested. Back to Pastor Graf:)
A happy marriage requires work – a constant fight against self-seeking, taking privileges, and insisting on getting your way; a constant struggle to let the love of Christ flow through you for the happiness of your spouse. If every husband would work as hard to keep his wife as he did to get her and every woman would do the same, life could be much more like a honeymoon. "Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word … So ought men to love their wives"(Ephesians 5:24-28). No husband will every love his wife as Christ loved the church. But blessed are they who try.

Carry one another’s burdens. The Bible says: "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). This means that husbands and wives will make a sincere effort to understand each other and to appreciate the inner and outer burdens which the other bears. A burden may be tiredness, pain, loneliness, fear, a wayward relative, or a hundred other things. Blessed are husbands and wives who, forgetting their own burdens, help the spouse carry his or hers with an understanding love. (Instead of asking, "What have you done for me lately?" a Christian spouse first thinks of giving self for the good of the other – asking "What can I do for you right now?")

Let’s read the Commandment and Meaning once more. You shall not commit adultery. What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other.

May God help us in keeping this and all other Commandments – in thanks for the New life we have in His Son. Amen.